Saturday, May 1, 2010

Step 11 of Twelve Steps -- Finding God's Will Through Fear


Anxiety is the natural result when our hopes are centered in anything short of God and his will for us.
Billy Graham

I struggled the greater part of my life, trying to determine what God’s will was for me. I didn’t realize until the last fifteen years that I was wanting to know the terms of the contractual relationship that God was seemingly offering everyone. If I could determine “His” will and do it, God had to give me what I wanted – primarily to be loved and cared about.

To know and fulfil God’s will had become my will, and it was failing miserably – no matter how much I tried to sacrifice and martyr myself to please “Him”.

Anxiety was a given. I was not measuring up to my expectations of how I believed I should please God, and I knew – from religion – to expect my impending judgement and my imminent destruction.

Over the past twenty years, I have begun to learn and experience certain “truths” – at least for me.

First of all my God, as I experience Him -- and Her -- has no rules by which They judge and punish me. Their love is unconditional and constant --irregardless of my actions and thoughts. My problem is my judgement and punishment of myself based on the rules that I have been programmed to believe they have for me.

Second, God’s will is exactly what I would want, if I knew myself, and what I wanted as They do. In the purest sense, God’s will and what I really want are the same.

Third, God’s will is a natural result of living in intimate closeness and love with Them. Their intent is for me to know and experience my truest selves, and with their loving support, to live increasing complete in that spiritual enlightenment.

Anxiety is the beginning of spiritual enlightenment, because it reminds us that we are still not yet completely connected to our God’s higher Presence and love. It is the beginning of a “faith” beyond thought, and hope beyond understanding – not the opposite. To conscious feel anxious is to become present and available for their love to flow into our hearts and being.

The maintenance of spiritual presence and spiritual enlightenment requires the following: experience our feelings – especially anxiety; increasingly connect ourselves to Their loving Presence through daily inspirations and precious moments of experience and hope; and consistently take the action necessary to stay intimately connected to their loving care.






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Photography/graphics by W. Wass

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