The Courage to Change May 4th
Recovery is a wonderful word. It means getting something back. Today I will try to remember that that something is me.
If a man happens to find himself ....he has a mansion which he can inhabit with dignity all the days of his life.James Michener
Step Four: We made a searching and fearless
moral inventory of ourselves.
We have lost some very precious parts of oursel
ves – and without spiritual healing and recovery, we are still losing parts of ourselves.
1. People in our lives, under the influence of alcohol, and other mental illnesses, were absent, unavailable, distracted -- unpresent, and sometimes abusive – at least emotionally and verbally. The separation from others – the loss of conscious caring contact with others – subjected us to mental and emotional trauma. This affected our brains by programming us to be disconnected from our God, and ultimately from ourselves. We lost vital and special parts of our selves.
2. These lost selves became compartmentalized within our brains as separated pockets of pain, infection, and disease. The walls between my selves are burning hot, and freezing cold – and they are intended to allow me to survive without being flooded and overwhelmed by uncontrollable shame and pain.
3. In order to heal, we must reaccess these wounded abandoned selves, and allow healing conscious Presence to flow in their compartments. This process of spiritual healing begins with identifying people, and institutions that abandoned and abused us. What are being listed in this inventory are the people and events where there is still illness and infection, evidenced by the swelling and inflammation of resentment, and the sensitivity and self protectiveness of fear.
4. This is a moral inventory in two ways:
• This is a spiritual inventory of our separation from others, our selves and our God. Spirituality is the conscious contact we have with our God, which directly affects our conscious contact with our selves and others.
• Moral, as such, relates to anything that hurts or helps us. Anything we or others do that harms us is “wrong”. And this spiritual inventory is about making a written history of how we have been harmed so we can begin a process of spiritual healing.
5. In my experience, it is important to realize that this spiritual history is about what we experienced and perceived, whether it really happened or not. Perception is actually stronger than facts, and so what is listed does not have to be verified by some outside source.
6. There is a metaphor which I find very helpful in dealing with a Fourth Step Inventory:
- • When we go to a doctor’s office, he or she will normally have us complete a medical history so an accurate diagnosis and plan of treatment can be established. The medical history lists all major injuries, infections, and illnesses that a person has experienced – especially focusing on the symptoms of the medical problems.
- The “character defects” that become identified ultimately in this spiritual history are only the symptoms of the spiritual losses of conscious contact with our God.
- • First, we each have lost different parts and different amounts of ourselves – our levels of personal injury and woundedness will differ.
- • Second, we have each experienced and presently are experiencing the resulting pain of our injuries with different levels of consciousness. Each person experiences his or her own levels of conscious pain regarding the unpresent events of their past.
What is needed for doing Step 4 – our spiritual history?
Step One – We admitted we were powerless –
that our lives had become unmanageable.
First we need a conscious contact and experience of our selves – a conscious experience of our pain and fear.1. Motivation – Without discomfort, there is no awareness of a problem, and no need for spiritual healing.
2. Direction – Conscious experience of our pain and fear tells us where our woundedness is, and allows us to monitor and review the progress of our spiritual healing.
3. Responsibility – We need an awareness that we did not cause, and we can’t control or cure “them” -- or ourselves. We have no choice or control over our injuries and diseases – perceptions, reactions, actions. Shame is the pain related to belief that we are responsible for our being harmed and ill, and this pain causes massive resistance to the process of spiritual healing.
Step Two and Three – We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to
the care of God as we understood Him.
Secondly, we need a conscious contact with the higher Presence of our God. Our illness is caused by unhealthy and inadequate levels of conscious intimate contact and Presence with our God.
1. We need to consciously experience our God’s unconditional acceptance and love in order to verify our shameless state of powerlessness, and personal unmanageability. This unconditional Presence is the Source of spiritual healing and restoration of lost selves.
2. As spiritual Presence flows into our hearts and minds, the resistance to completing the initial spiritual history begins to dissolve, and we experience a beginning of spiritual healing of our perceptions, reactions, and actions.
3. The action of spiritual surrender to our God’s care occurs with each word we record on our spiritual history.
Lastly, we need specific directions as to how to begin and continue our spiritual healing and history. For example:
1. A personal life story, preferably broken up into significant periods or events of our lives.
2. The Blueprint for Progress from Al-Anon literature is one of the best organized and thorough compilations of spiritual history questions. I have suggested that at least initially that persons pick out three to four most pertinent sections to work on, or three to four questions in each section.
3. AA has developed a very effective four column approach using resentment, fear, and “our part” to address specific people and events. Also, there are other related inventories such as sex. In the column. “our part”, we are looking at how we may have contributed to the harm done to us, and how the harm to ourselves resulted in our practicing harmful behaviors.
4. There are several other personal questionnaires and guides that also could be used as they seem to fit.
In conclusion, I would like us to be conscious of another factor related to the spiritual history aspect of spiritual healing:
The Courage to Change – September 11th
During the entire process of working on my Fourth Step (making a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself), I felt nagging suspicion that I wasn’t doing it right. With my Higher Power’s help, I finally realized that the problem wasn’t that I had done my Fourth Step wrong; the fact was that I had same sense of inadequacy about my whole life. Whatever I’m doing, I’m inclined to feel that I’m doing it wrong, that my best is not good enough. And that is simply not true. I am doing just fine.
I have done three extensive Fourth Steps, and the second and third revealed major holes in the spiritual history done before. They were all “perfect” – they were all the best that I could do at the time. And I continue – even today – to hear, write, and remember more.
This step and spiritual history is a major part of a process of spiritual healing that will continue, I believe, as long as I am alive. Spiritual healing is the experience of a better present by changing the experience and healing woundedness of our past. We can't change the details of our pasts, but our God can change the perceptiona of our past -- which is what the past really is anyway.
Related Inspirational Life Quotes
Isn’t it exasperating to go to the grocery for an item, only to find the shelf empty? Fortunately grocers can correct that situation by taking inventory to learn which shelves need replenishment.
The Courage to Change.
We all wish good things to happen to us, but we cannot just pray and then sit down and expect miracles to happen. We must back up our prayers with action.
Freedom from Despair
Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised.
American Proverb
All progress must grow from a seed of self-appreciation...
The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage
As I worked my way through Step Four, I listed my character traits as honestly as I could. I was struck by a great irony: Many things I had once thought of as virtues – taking care of everyone around me, worrying about other people’s lives sacrificing my own happiness and prosperity – turned out to be the causes of my misery.
The Courage of To Change November 28th
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